My Crafty & Talented Friends

Friday, October 15, 2010

Depression Sucks!!!

So it's 4:02 AM here in Milford, Ohio now and I have been in a major depression.  I still am in it but I am fighting light crazy to get out of it, believe me, this is no fun.  I'm sure there are some of you who can agree with me or know someone who has been here/there.  I had to totally re-think why I started crafting in the first place and it was because it was FUN.  Lately it's not been fun.  NOTHING has been fun.  The only thing that has been considered fun to me is sleep, and lots of it.  But let me back track here a minute and tell you why and how I got myself into this depressed pickle that I am in.  Oh yes, there is a reason.  It's my fault, 100% my fault.  It's called STUPIDITY, or "Christy stopped taking her medication" either one will due at this point.  I don't know if many of you know that I suffer from a major disability called schizo-affective disorder.  How I describe it is like bi-polar with bells and whistles.   It seems bi-polar is more known and talked about these days so that is why I chose to reference that particular disorder.  I really don't want to go in to all of what schizoaffective is all about, although your more than welcome to go here to learn more if you really want to.  So yea, I have been on permanent disability due to this disorder since 2001 and am on a slue of medicine and you would think that I would know by now that I cannot stop the medicine.  Unfortunately, one of the things with this is that I get to feeling "good" and think that I don't need medicine.  Which I believe is what happened here.  I stopped going to my therapist who I have been seeing for years, just quit, no reason...didn't even say anything to her at all, just stopped.  I'm still seeing my doctor though, I need to see him.  I have really screwed things up this time though I feel.  I think my kids hate me, or at least are pissed at me, why?  I don't know, I have been so distant with EVERYONE that I think they are "retaliating" back at me.  I don't know.  I mean I know they don't hate me, but I just feel the tension there between us.  Unfortunately one of the things with this disorder is paranoia and that may be what I am feeling, but it seems real.  Who knows, I certainly don't.  I am scared to death to tell my psychiatrist that I haven't been taking my pills...I don't know what he will do.  That almost scares me even more...the unknown has always scared me.

So here is my plan that I am going to try and stick to:#1TAKE PILLS EVERYDAY no matter what.  I have been picking and choosing what pills I take in the last few months and that's not good.  I haven't been taking the right ones. #2 Get up everyday and do something outside, where I live has a full free access gym, I need it, lol.  If its not the gym Eric has even suggested going to the mall and window shopping or something like that, just to get out of the apartment for a few hours a day. #3 Get back to seeing my therapist on a regular basis.

So that is my plan for my mental health that I hope to, I will keep it because I need to in order to live my life in any way shape or form.  I am a complete mess if I don't do the above.

Below are some cards that I have managed to do...

 I wanted to share with you some things that I have been doing here and there...I hope you like what you see.
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Monday, October 11, 2010

It's been one of those times...

Well, my birthday was this past Friday, the 8th of October and I don't know if it's getting
to me or what...but I have been slouchy {is that a word?} {OK, it's a new word, lol}.  I just can't
seem to get moving with ANYTHING here lately.  It's quite honestly pissing me off.
I think that if I just take tonight though to myself and get caught up on everything that I am behind on, which seems to be A LOT, I will be good to go.  Let's hope.

I spent my actual birthday night at my kids homecoming football game where my daughter plays flute in marching band.  They kicked the other teams butts!!! WooT!!!  Not to mention the fact that our band in almost 3 times as big {and better} than theirs was.  So Friday was a good night indeed.
This is Kristin and her friend Katie on break at the Home Coming game
Kristin is on the left
 Another of Kristin and Katie
 Kristin playing her flute
Kristin and Katie yakking it up lol, picture taken from across the field
Kristin is facing picture
Kevin didn't attend the game though, so I didn't get to see him until yesterday {Sunday}, but I can understand, he was playing HALO REACH and that's way more important than any old football game, lol.

So Sunday I spent with family and friends to do the actual cake and ice cream thing which is always a nice thing to get together. 

This is the only picture I have so far from either of the kiddos from their homecoming dance...
That is Kristin on the right with the hair draped in front of her eyes. Shes beautiful!

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