My Crafty & Talented Friends

Friday, October 15, 2010

Depression Sucks!!!

So it's 4:02 AM here in Milford, Ohio now and I have been in a major depression.  I still am in it but I am fighting light crazy to get out of it, believe me, this is no fun.  I'm sure there are some of you who can agree with me or know someone who has been here/there.  I had to totally re-think why I started crafting in the first place and it was because it was FUN.  Lately it's not been fun.  NOTHING has been fun.  The only thing that has been considered fun to me is sleep, and lots of it.  But let me back track here a minute and tell you why and how I got myself into this depressed pickle that I am in.  Oh yes, there is a reason.  It's my fault, 100% my fault.  It's called STUPIDITY, or "Christy stopped taking her medication" either one will due at this point.  I don't know if many of you know that I suffer from a major disability called schizo-affective disorder.  How I describe it is like bi-polar with bells and whistles.   It seems bi-polar is more known and talked about these days so that is why I chose to reference that particular disorder.  I really don't want to go in to all of what schizoaffective is all about, although your more than welcome to go here to learn more if you really want to.  So yea, I have been on permanent disability due to this disorder since 2001 and am on a slue of medicine and you would think that I would know by now that I cannot stop the medicine.  Unfortunately, one of the things with this is that I get to feeling "good" and think that I don't need medicine.  Which I believe is what happened here.  I stopped going to my therapist who I have been seeing for years, just quit, no reason...didn't even say anything to her at all, just stopped.  I'm still seeing my doctor though, I need to see him.  I have really screwed things up this time though I feel.  I think my kids hate me, or at least are pissed at me, why?  I don't know, I have been so distant with EVERYONE that I think they are "retaliating" back at me.  I don't know.  I mean I know they don't hate me, but I just feel the tension there between us.  Unfortunately one of the things with this disorder is paranoia and that may be what I am feeling, but it seems real.  Who knows, I certainly don't.  I am scared to death to tell my psychiatrist that I haven't been taking my pills...I don't know what he will do.  That almost scares me even more...the unknown has always scared me.

So here is my plan that I am going to try and stick to:#1TAKE PILLS EVERYDAY no matter what.  I have been picking and choosing what pills I take in the last few months and that's not good.  I haven't been taking the right ones. #2 Get up everyday and do something outside, where I live has a full free access gym, I need it, lol.  If its not the gym Eric has even suggested going to the mall and window shopping or something like that, just to get out of the apartment for a few hours a day. #3 Get back to seeing my therapist on a regular basis.

So that is my plan for my mental health that I hope to, I will keep it because I need to in order to live my life in any way shape or form.  I am a complete mess if I don't do the above.

Below are some cards that I have managed to do...

 I wanted to share with you some things that I have been doing here and there...I hope you like what you see.
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Parsley said...

I'm so sorry to hear about your struggles with depression. Yes...take your meds and take care of yourself.

I haven't delt with depression on this level but I do encourage you to KNOW...and I mean KNOW you are loved. Then get out and do a random act of kindness to boost your mood. Work on your swap or a kind act because doing for others gets us out of a rut sometimes.

Lastly, but most importantly, reflect on your faith. The joy of the Lord is our strength.


Ms. Jen said...

Christy! I am SO sorry to hear that you are going through this. I have chronic endometriosis, long story! I can totally relate to where you are at right now though. I had a point where I too thought I could make it without my meds, boy was I wrong. I was starting to feel like a druggie and that was so not who I am. The physical pain was too much and I had to go back on them. My doctor told me there is a reason your on this medicine, your not a druggie. Another long story, but the point I'm getting at is you need your meds and you need your support. I know how alone you must feel right now and I want you to know that you aren't alone. Sometimes it just takes one person to let us know that we are loved and that we matter. I'm sure your kids don't hate you. They are probably just struggling through this with you the best way they know how, which isn't always easy when you're a teen - LOL Talk to your therapist and don't be scared to tell him/her what has happened. They are there to help you through this. The fact that you've reached out for help is a huge step in the right direction. You are a beautiful, talented, sweet person and you have lots of friends who will help you. Let us! Please email me mclaughfam! any time day or night. I want to be there for you.

Big Hugs - Your DT Sister

Ms. Jen said...

Oops here it is again Duh, you probably already have it. P.S. LOVE your songs!

♥♥ CHARITYCRAFTER! ♥♥ said...

Hi Christy x I would like to say well done you! for being so open about your depression, I too suffer with depression, which got as bad as it possibly can get x Please take your medicine hun x and keep yourself healthy, with what you eat and plenty of rest and nutrition too x Your crafting is gorgeous too x Be kind to yourself x Leigh x

agypsyangel said...

I hope you get better soon, definately get back to dr and see what they think. Email me anytime if you need to talk. I am on the internet alot.

Shelley said...

Christy, hope you get to feeling better soon. It is so hard to make ourselves take the meds we need. My bf has similar problems too after he came home from Iraq. He hates taking the medicine to and sometimes tries to quit but gets depressed quickly. If you ever need anything I am here for you. Love your smiling pic and hope you get to smiling soon.
Big hugs, Shelley

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